what did love turn you into

yourself, on a convex mirror at the corner of the street. you take both a cute photo and a funny one.

a kitty. you respect and adore it too much that you maintain a good distance.

the moon. you either send it to someone or post it without caption.

trees, plants, greenery. you look at the photo and imagine yourself just sitting beside it. you are at peace.

your food. could be take-out or dine-in, doesn’t matter. you treated yourself and with this you feel fulfilled.

someone else. could be a friend, a partner, a stranger? all you know was that they’re beautiful.

nothing. you never stopped. you didn’t even try because you knew your camera is mid.

yourself but a selfie. a nice remembrance! you stare at it… you.. delete it.

fresh air. white noise. comfort. relaxed. (green)

acoustic guitars. pillows. certainty. efforts. (pink)

time. acceptance. buttoned shirts. friends. (blue)

games. hair. superiority. bad humor. (purple)

sweaters. bitch. dr martens. birds. (red)

puppies. studying. fishies. hydrate. (orange)

happiness. motivation. deodorant. film. (yellow)

bass guitar. umbrellas. exhausted. reminiscing. (black & white)

Lately, I find myself out gazing at stars; Hearing guitars like someone in love; Sometimes the things I do astound me; Mostly whenever you’re around me. (Art Farmer)

Why do words disappear, Whenever you’re near; Don’t let it out of your sight; Go kiss your baby goodnight. (Eraserheads)

You can’t blame me, darling; Not even a little bit; I was away; And I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch; Who can’t admit when he’s sorry. (Harry Styles)

What if I fuck it up like I always do; And my shit gets in the way?; What if it doesn’t end well; Would we still be fine? (Chloe Moriondo)

Given the circumstances; I won’t ask you to stay; Given the circumstances; I would get it if you walked away (Lizzy McAlpine)

Don’t worry about all of the ways this could go wrong; Just tell me how you really feel; You don’t have to pretend when you’re with me; (The Ridleys)

i know I’ve been too distant, too absent minded, too.. far. life’s fucking me up, I’ve been fucking shit up.

it feels so wrong to still think I’m unlovable and not worth of any value when I have someone who shows me otherwise.

no matter how red your lips are, no one would ever want to kiss what’s tainted with blood.

i want to be there for them i want to show how glad i am to be able to be wary of their existence but it all defaults to a blank state where it’s as if i don’t care

so if it is in the universe’s will, let me salvage the love i have left for this wrecked home.

please, give them a kinder, softer, more loving life than what I have. Let it not be anywhere close to the disastrous upbringing of mine.

crying because what if i never get to feel those things again

i will kill whatever god is responsible if this gets taken this away from me

ang saya makita sarili ko na masaya (translation: it brings me joy to see myself so joyfull

it’s definitely my ego speaking

to love and to be loved, properly, perfectly— is such a wonderful achievement in life !

why would you deprive them of something that brings them joy

words of affirmation

physical touch

giving gifts

receiving gifts

acts of service

quality time

yes, similar to blinking. you don’t really notice yourself doing it unless you’ve thought about it too much and now it’s all your focusing on.

no, it’s like hiking. you feel exhausted from climbing and reaching and most times you don’t even reach the peak peak, just something fairly close, like a pity reward.

yes and no. it’s easy to meet love and create a connection, but keeping that connection intact requires hard-work, dedication and most likely a ton shit of tears.

no and yes. it’s hard finding love even with all the fish in the sea, but once i find it god i’d treat it like it’s the only missing piece in my life.

i don’t know. i don’t think i’ve experienced anything genuine enough or strong enough to be given the right to label love.

my father

my mother

my sibling

i don’t even know who they were

an old ‘friend’

myself

my ex

my current partner (romantic)

that one swiftie

my relative/s

my father

my mother

my sibling

i don’t even know who they were

an old ‘friend’

myself

my ex

my current partner (romantic)

that one swiftie

my relative/s

vulnerability

independence

intimacy

compromise

empathy

humor

leave

be left

i want to work things out, please, can’t we work it out?