where are you on the angel hierarchy?

harmony, wisdom, sanctuary

time, blessing, principle

holy, pure, obey

messenger, guardian, love

justice, will, positivity

intuition, guidance, power

chaos, ambiguity, blood

choice, motion, enlightenment

distinctness, origin, voice

power

perception

people

i am terror. when humans and angels alike look at me, they feel a deep sense of fear in the core of their heart. its overwhelming. uncontrollable. i am so horrifying, i make you wonder if demons and angels are truly different.

i am all seeing. i have more eyes than you could ever believe. i see with my mind and heart and skin and nerves. the information funnels into my system, and i feel whole.

i’m on fire. i’m burning up, i’m melting, but somehow i’m pieced together still. my heart (if i even have one) is stronger than anything else and it sets me alight. i’m here and then there and then nowhere. i’ve existed since the beginning of time, and all i can do is scream.

i overshadow. i am big and bold and awe inspiring. i belong in the light. i belong in front of the eyes of many. i belong where the crowd can chant my name for as long as humanity is able to be remembered. i will be remembered. i will be remembered. i will be remembered.

i am ambiguous. any way you wish to see me is the way that i am. i can bend in any way without ever being broken. i am infinite and nothing at the same time. i am everything that ever once was, and you can’t comprehend it. you can’t see me. you’ll never see me.

i don’t know what i am. i wish i did. i wish someone did. i wish when someone looked at me, they felt some kind of conclusive emotion. i wish they felt something they could communicate. i want to exist. i want to so badly.

i am everything that i want to be. i have my own definition of this that nobody else could ever understand. i fit into my skin in such a way that i feel i might burst. my organs and bones are all intact. the only weight i carry on my back is my wings. i am peaceful. i am whole.

i am the light. whenever you think you are alone, i am there, watching you. i am in the sunlight that trickles through the window and the faint starshine you see through the polluted city night and the headlights of the cars that drive by. i follow you. always.

i am honesty. what you see is what you get. everything that you feel, everything that you say, everything that you question, it all exists within me. its all bottled up and held in the deepest parts of me. come find your meaning within me.

please come quick // i’ve stuck my head in the banister again // i just wanted to know what it would feel like // one part of my body alive

and maybe my god has a trot in her walk // and her coach bags are knock-off // her shoes are all dressed up // and she spins me around like a marionette

god said it takes far more than confession // be a good man or give me your best impression // god said my blood’s too warm for forgiveness // set forth on the interstellar ark of sinners

glory shows up // exposes us // i’m naked here // forsaken here // by the dark // by the dark // damn the dark

we are not just art for michelangelo to carve // he can’t rewrite the agro of my furied heart // i’ll wait on mountain tops in Paris, cold // J’veux pas mourir toute seule

it couldn’t wash the echoes out // i swallow the sound and it swallows me whole // til there’s nothing left inside my soul // as empty as that beating drum // but the sound has just begun

simulation give me something good // god’s creation, so misunderstood // pray to the divinity, the keeper of the key // one day everyone will believe

it’s the fucking worst isn’t it? // it’s so fucking cursed isn’t it? // it’s a fucking curse isn’t it? // “thoughts and prayers” ‘// these bitches just wanna watch us die // they wanna pray over our dead bodies alive

make sacrifice in bathtubs and stained bed covers // soak all of my clothes in holy water // and drown them like a crying son // drown them like a crying daughter

an outlet. or, in other words, a way out. you want out of here. truly, this doesn’t have to be given to you. just run. GO.

the fountain of youth. you will never have to know what it means to grow, nor what it means to be held back. if you wish, you may be reborn a million times over.

power. free reign to do whatever you want. for better or for worse, you will be listened to. they will do as you say.

you don’t need any of that. you have yourself. that is enough.

freedom. the ability to be your full true self, and to let that self seep into the world around you an infinite amount of times over.

a mother. someone who holds you tight when youre screaming in the middle of the night. someone who cooks for you and cleans for you and teaches you how to be a person.

all the love in the universe. all of it. the openness, the possessiveness, the eros, ludus, storage, pragma, mania, agape, the love that only non human creatures can feel, the angry love, the terrible love, its all yours.

a little wooden box that holds the answer to the greatest question you have. you don’t have to open it.

world peace. you can bend peoples happiness at your will. you can stop everything bad forever. but you must accept that you alone will carry the weight of how everything used to be.

humility

viciousness

freedom

justice

mediation

passion

development

infinity

assurance

stabilizes

is inevitable

corrupts

i don’t check in on it as much as i should. maybe if i did, i would know myself better

its alien to me. we have never clicked. the heart wants what it wants, but i don’t know what i want.

i follow it sincerely. i follow it devotedly.

its pulsing and vibrating, overtaking my entire body in my moment of weakness.

its been on fire since i was born, and i can’t put it out.

it makes me weep. for that, i hate it.

it makes me weep. for that, i love it.

it is what i fight for. for my heart i am angry, for my heart i will win, for my heart, i will succeed.

i can’t believe that i truly have one.