what’s consuming you?

I’m running from time. I feel like time is going too fast—I’m not ready for tomorrow but that was yesterday.

I’m running to time. I feel like time is going too slow—and that’s not fair. I have things I need to get done, so time has to get out of my way.

I’m running from sadness. I’m more okay than others, so I should keep quiet and pretend they are the ones hugging me.

I’m running to sadness. I need people to hear me, I want my thoughts to linger if it means they’ll understand.

in my foggy mind.

in my repetitive routines.

in my empty stomach.

in my smile, and in my frown too.

“cause I know you can only starve so much til you like how it feels // sitting on a throne of bones, staring at the cold meal // it’s not your body that I love, but it’s the shell your inside of, and you’re killing it, you’re killing the only piece of you I can touch // it’s not you’re body that I need, but that’s what sleeps next to me, and you’re killing it, you’re killing it, you’re killing it, please eat”

“because this is where I wanna be // where its so sweet, and heavenly // I’m giving you all my, giving you all my, giving you all my love // giving you all my, giving you all my, giving you all my love // all my love

“ speak in tongues // I don’t even recognize your face // mirror on the wall // tell me all the ways to stay away

“days seem sometimes as if they’ll never end // sun digs its heels taunt you // but after sunlit days, one thing stays the same // rises the moon”

I’m outta time, I’m outta fucking time // I’m a gasoline gut with a Vaseline mind, but // Wanna disco? Wanna see me disco? // Let me hear you depoliticize my rhyme

“ I just need someone in my life to give it structure // to handle all the special ways I’d spend my time without her // you’re everything I want, but I can’t deal with all your lovers // you’re saying I’m the one, but it’s your actions that speak louder”

“ there’s things I wanna say to you, but I’ll just let you live // Like if you hold me without hurting me // You’ll be the first who ever did // There’s things I wanna talk about // But better not to give // But if you hold me without hurting me // You’ll be the first who ever did”

“Where’d all the time go? It’s starting to fly // See how the hands go Waving goodbye // And you know I get so forgetful // When I look in your eyes”

12AM traffic, windows rolled down, music blasting—alone or with others, that doesn’t matter but I feel actually in the moment for once. I don’t have to think for once. I scream out the lyrics and drive towards the city lights, home. I already know how I’ll spend my night.

never thinking of what to do next. always chasing one thing I want and aiming to be the highest I can be and actually succeeding! I am never bored anymore. I’m happy with me, myself and I.

I don’t know, that’s the problem. But if I were the ocean in this dream world, everyday would be peaceful waves. If I were the clouds I’d never pour out rain, and I’d be able to tell someone how I feel. I sit down, they comfort me, and the comfort sticks forever.

Deep conversations with my closest friends. Cuddling all night and knowing that they love me. They always have. We stay up all night despite being exhausted, so we get all loopy and laugh at every single thing. a kind of natural dopamine I hope to get used too. we’ll do the same thing the next night.

cuz I’m bored.

I have nothing else to do. I don’t think. I can’t remember if I do.

I’m waiting until they come back again.

because quizzes like these let some of my overfilled emotions spill out the glass.

heart

brain.

bitch I think with my digestive system, my bones

sun ! ; cheerful, leader and bright one of the group and humor cancels out trauma. probably the therapist of the group that will give you advice you sought for once before. smiles the brightest and feels the most, but underneath those happy happy smiles are tired tired eyes.

moon ! ; tired and a sleepy soul. probably really really good at drawing, and the second therapist that doesn’t give advice, but allows the other person to talk. a great listener, but to the point where your feelings are never heard unless you go out of your way to concerningly show them.

moon ! ; tired and a sleepy soul. probably really really good at drawing, and the second therapist that doesn’t give advice, but allows the other person to talk. a great listener, but to the point where your feelings are never heard unless you go out of your way to concerningly show them.

astronaut ! ; curious about everything, and you get along with everyone. you always have to be doing something, if not you’re not you. Same with people, different people every day just to get a gist of life. this causes you to burn out easily—and life goes slow. at least you always have someone to vent too. you feel important that way, under someone else’s care.

consuming

not what it used to be.

everything

something I yearn for.