ok so here’s the thing psychologists have known for years but nobody told us: when people first meet u, they’re asking two questions within seconds :
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can i trust u? (warmth/kindness)
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do i respect u? (competence)
and here’s the plot twist – warmth actually matters MORE. u can be the smartest person in the room but if u don’t feel safe to talk to, nobody cares .
but here’s the other thing: what u INTEND and how u COME ACROSS are often two completely different people. maybe ur just anxious and it reads as cold. maybe ur trying so hard to be nice it circles back to annoying. maybe ur literally the kindest soul but u have resting bitch face and now everyone thinks u hate them.
so let’s settle this. do u LOOK rude or kind? not who u ARE inside. how u actually land when u walk into a room. be honest. the quiz will know.
(update: i asked my friends and three said “i thought u hated me when we first met” and honestly that’s how i found out i have RBF)
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Question of
Someone makes eye contact with u in the hallway. Your face does:
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immediate small smile. can’t help it.
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nothing. i literally forget to react.
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a nod. just a nod. that’s enough right?
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i look away fast bc eye contact is SCARY
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confused stare like “do i know u”
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full resting bitch face and i didn’t even mean to
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Question of
A cashier messes up ur order. You:
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“no worries! it happens!” and mean it
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say nothing but silently seethe
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politely correct them bc they should know
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“um actually i asked for…” (u feel bad saying it)
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make a joke about it to ease the tension
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literally don’t notice until u get home
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Question of
How do u text?
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punctuation. always. “ok.” reads as mad apparently
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lowercase everything. chill energy.
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exclamation points!!!!! friendly!!!!!
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dry but i swear i’m not mad
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voice notes bc typing is exhausting
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one word responses but i love u
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Question of
A stranger asks u for directions. You:
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help enthusiastically and ask if they need anything else
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help but seem rushed even if ur not
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“sorry i don’t know” and keep walking
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literally can’t help bc ur also lost
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pretend u didn’t hear them (social anxiety not rudeness)
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Question of
Someone tells u a story and u realize u zoned out for half of it. You:
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“wait sorry can u repeat the last part?” honest queen
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nod and smile and pray u didn’t miss something important
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“omg same thing happened to me!” (changes subject)
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ask a question that proves u were NOT listening
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just let them finish and hope they don’t ask questions
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genuinely heard every word idk what ur talking about
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Question of
Ur in a bad mood. Someone tries to talk to u. You:
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still nice bc it’s not their fault
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short answers. they’ll get the hint.
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“not a good time rn sorry” (direct but not mean)
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fake nice until they leave
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literally can’t hide it and feel bad after
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i don’t do bad moods i just dissociate
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Question of
Complete the sentence: “People who don’t know me probably think I’m ______”
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intimidating but i’m literally a softie
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rude but i’m just anxious
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really sweet (and they’re right)
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annoying but i can’t help it
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mysterious but actually i just don’t know what to say
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normal? i hope?
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Question of
You’re in class and the teacher asks a question nobody knows the answer to. They make eye contact with YOU specifically. You:
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look down at your desk like it’s the most interesting thing in the world
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make intense eye contact back to assert dominance (u don’t know the answer either)
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slowly slide down in your chair until ur basically under the desk
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“um actually i think it’s…” and u pull something out of ur ass and it’s RIGHT
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fake a coughing fit. dramatic. award-winning.
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stare at them like “why me” and they feel bad and move on
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accidentally made direct eye contact and now we’re both trapped in this moment forever
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